The Heart Of The Beast----Page 17

The intellectual bond superseded the social
strata. Although we first met on the other side
of the tracks; and I think that appealed to
you. You had a bit of a rough upbringing and
always longed for home. Always searched for
some kind of family. I learned about your
checkered past. The incarceration and forays
into controlled substances. But there was
emotion, wasn't there? I'm sure there was
a certain amount of passion. Passion mixed
with ambition. And certainly a need to be
loved and understood. As opposed to abandoned.
A burning drive to succeed and win the love
of the world.
I never understood the shadow from the
past. Spreading darkness like a phantom
crawling through the night. The insecurity
strangling the life out of the horizon. Again a
need for controlled substances. But this time
I saw it at close range. Staring me in
the face on almost a daily basis. Ambition
for what? To live a life of fantasy and
phantasm. To what end? I had to finally
extricate myself from a world of delusion.
It was hard to leave the illusion of beauty
behind. The choice was to move forward or be
forever mired in its grasp. The stagnation I
saw chilled me to the bone. But somewhere
in the night someone is still dreaming dreams
that come to naught. And I suppose that
is better than letting the dream die in
a cloud of dust.